And We're Totally Awesome
by fakelifeafterbreakingdawn
Summary: The Characters of Twilight…are they really what Stephanie Meyer makes them out to be? Rated T for language


…And We're Totally Awesome

Chapter One

The Characters of Twilight…are they really what Stephanie Meyer makes them out to be?

Warning: This story contains use of the word boob, fuck, BITCHES AND HOES, and Fro Shizzle. If you are not comfortable with these words please leave now. Drama and comedy insures.

Disclaimer: We do not own Twilight. We just pretend to be the characters and have some fun with them!

Authors Note at the end

******

It was a normal day. Well as normal as any day can get in the Cullen Home.

Jasper was abusing his power...again. Alice was shopping online for things that were completely unnecessary. Rosalie had taken all the mirrors hostage and refused to come out of her room. Emmett…. well no one knows were Emmett went. Esme had taken to her laptop where she found the wonderful word of Twitter…at the moment she was trying to make #FroShizzle the number one trending topic. Carlisle, being the only sane person in the home, was in his study reading a medical book. God bless Carlisle's heart. Edward and Bella were in their room having sex; thanks to Jasper making them horny. Of course Alice tried to get him to stop, but that just made everyone else in the house feel Jasper's lust. She figured it be better to leave him torture one couple instead of five And last but no least there was Ness and Jacob. They were arguing…again.

"I HATE YOU!" Yes, that phrase was heard everyday. It didn't matter if someone was fighting or not the words always came out of the young half vampire's mouth. And of course everyone sighed. The child was out of control.

"Nessie you don't mean that. You never mean it. So would you quit saying it?" A vase was thrown and Esme was angry.

"RENESMME CARLIE CULLEN!" the child shut up. "What on earth did I tell you about throwing my vase!?" Nessie looked at her grandmother and shrugged before running off. She new she could only push her so far.

Jacob looked as his wife ran from the house. He laughed but one look from Esme had him running for the hills too. Esme smiled and went back to her laptop.

See…normal day!

That is until Jasper got bored and decided to make Edward and Bella fight. This lead to Alice yelling at Jasper which caused Rose to start yelling for Emmett, who still hadn't appeared yet.

Things were thrown, this made Esme mad, and when Esme was mad Carlisle was mad, and when Carlisle was mad, well everyone got scared.

Coming out from his study Carlisle yelled throughout the house. "MEETING! DOWNSTIARS NOW!" Everyone settled in the dining room. Of course it was no considered a dining room since that is where Jacob ate everytime he came over.

Carlisle looked at his children. Emmett had finally arrived. He wasn't stupid enough to not come running when Carlisle yelled. Rose was looking at a pocket mirror, refusing to look at Emmett who sat down next to her with a goofy grin on his face. Jasper was whispers sweet nothings into Alice's ear to make up for the fight that he caused. She was pudding in his hands as she giggled and sighed at every word. Bella and Edward were lost in their own little word. Edward absentmindedly played with her hair, while Bella lost herself in Edwards's eyes.

Carlisle shook his head. Where was he getting these thoughts? He saw Edward smile out of the corned of his eye. Esme never looked up from the laptop. She typed away furiously on some chat room. He could've sworn he saw the words "BITCHES AND HOES" before the chat was minimized and twitter appeared. Sighing he called the room to attention. There was really no use getting Nessie and Jake back here.

"Kids listen up!" The authority in his voice ran high. The kids looked at him with admiration and awe in their eyes…or it could have been boredom and hatred, but Carlisle liked to think his kid's appreciated him. Even if he had to lie to himself. Esme was still lost in the Twitter world.

"Carlisle could you hurry up? I liked to go back to my mirrors. They might think I'm neglecting them!" Rose said tearfully. The stupid blonde bimbo actually thought she was pretty. A scowled came across Carlisle's face.

"Rosalie if I hear you talk one more time without someone either asking you a question or your opinion I'm going to break every mirror in this god forsaken house! DO YOU UNDERSTAND?"

Of course that's what Carlisle would've wanted to say. He's wanted to tell Rosalie off almost as much as Edward has been wanting to since day 1. Instead he decided to play the nice father who gave each his kids a fair chance. Even though the stupid blonde practically blew all her chances out of the water.

"Now Rose, everyone will get back to what they were doing after I dismiss you. Got it?" Rose or any of the kids did not miss the forceful-ness in the last words. Even Esme shut her laptop to hear what her husband had to say.

"Now, I think we need to discuss how everyone is acting in this family." No one spoke up so Carlisle continued, "We are a family people! We should not be abusing each other," Jasper bowed his head, "And we should not be fighting over who is prettier!" Alice and Rose looked at each other before also bowing their heads. For three days now they have gotten into arguments over who has been prettier. Ever since Alice let her hair grow out Rose has been jealous. Even though she denies it Edward has already confirmed it.

"Your right Carlisle." Esme stood up by her husband. "We should also not being abandoning our spouses." Edward whispered and apology to Bella while Emmett kissed Rose in apology. Carlisle smiled before Esme hit him. "Well aren't you going to apologize?"

"What are you talking about Sweetheart?" He was confused. He has never neglected Esme. The kids laughed.

"I'm talking about how everytime you get a new Medical Journal I am left to be by MYSELF!" Carlisle cringed and the kids laughed more. He has been neglecting Esme a bit.

"I'm sorry dear." Esme scowled and sat back down opening her laptop. He could hear her muttering under her breath.

"That's right Doctor you better apologize…FroShizzle." She smiled at the word. Carlisle sighed and dismissed the kids. It was hopeless. This family needed help.

Then a light bulb went off over Carlisle's head. The doctor turned around and saw Emmett screwing in a new bulb for the overhead lamp.

"Emmett was that bulb even burned out?" Emmett laughed.

"Um, no but Alice said you have an idea so I should turn the light bulb so it would be like it is in cartoons." Carlisle looked at his oldest son confused. "You know where the cartoon character gets an idea and a light bulb appears over his head turned on…."Emmett trailed off and muttered to himself. "Never mind, I told Alice he wouldn't get it." He stalked off.

But the good doctor did have an idea. A brilliant one at that, so brilliant in fact that maybe his children would finally appreciate him. Now all he had to do was convince them it was the right idea. Yes this would be good.

"NOOOOOOOOO!" The scream echoed through the house and Carlisle cringed. He forgot that Alice could see what he was going to do. This was going to be harder than he thought.

******

Authors Note: So…this is kind of just a little something that happens on the site. We act like we're crazy…which we kind of are. We even have 4…well 3, therapist on the site to help us sort out our problems. It didn't work. This is just a story that I came up with using some of the stuff that we say and do on the site. I know it's not brilliant but once I get going I'm sure you'll like it! And if you don't like it…well that's your problem isn't it?

Soon to make an appearance: Carmen Denali, Seth Clearwater, and Claire

**xoxo-Alice Cullen from ****.**


End file.
